A town called Therapy-on-Sea

The image of a beach or a coastline is a very familiar picture. Yet, when I saw a UK coastline for the first time, it was not exactly like the image in my head. Where is the abundant sand? Why is the sea so dark? And freezing cold? What are those wooden barriers dividing it? (Back then, I didn’t know they are called groynes).

The truth is that wherever you go on the coast, even within the same country, the view can potentially present you with a different image of what is essentially the same: a stretch of shoreline lapped by water. Therapy is a bit like that. A journey of healing and self-growth, of increased self-awareness with the aim of empowering the individual to thrive. But… how does it look like? It can take different shapes. There are many types of therapy, no longer having to lie on a chaise longue for an hour doing free association (American Psychological Association. 2023) being the only choice, often to obtain no response from the psychoanalyst. These days there is Person Centred Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, Solution-Focused Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Existential Therapy, Transpersonal Therapy… (BACP, no date) the list is endless! A bit like the coastline, eternally connected to another one through a body of water.

Variety is important; after all, we are different individuals and I believe one size does not fit all. As a client, it is beneficial to know what approach speaks to you more, and which one you feel is going to be the most helpful. Is there a specific issue which you need to manage it so it stops from interfering in your every life? Perhaps Solution-Focused approach within short-term therapy is suitable. Do you find relationships challenging? Do you feel stuck? Maybe a psychodynamic approach can enable the work to go deeper by exploring the past, and its influence in the present and in how you relate to others. Is it difficult for you to feel heard and understood? Person Centred Therapy might be very helpful. Do you struggle to identify or express your emotions? Perhaps some creative work or the experiential side of Gestalt can open up different pathways of experience.

It is important that you can choose what really works for you. Similar to choosing the coastline and the waters that kiss it. Some people like calm and balmy waters where they feel comfortable but safe to venture if they feel like it; others will prefer rough waters where the wind can take them further and the cold keep their focus sharp; there are those who enjoy sailing through any kind of waters, and those who perceive it as a dynamic surface in which to experiment and see for themselves what it feels like. And, of course, some people might need a whole summer to go beyond dipping their toes.

Regardless of which of these images and approaches you connect with the most, there is one element that prevails: the therapeutic relationship. It is paramount that you and your therapist develop a safe and trustworthy relationship where you feel fully heard and seen, where you are accepted and understood, free of any judgement, and where you are at ease yet challenged enough to continue growing (and where humour also has a space if appropriate!). The first time I was looking for a therapist, I noticed how some of them offered having an initial session to see if you (the client) felt like you wanted to work with them, and they (the therapist) felt like they were the best person to help you. I found this refreshing and so different from other experiences. Firstly, the therapist was admitting that they might not be the most suitable person for the work; thus, practising congruence, one of the core conditions that Carl Rogers, father of Person Centred Therapy, wrote about in his paper ‘The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change’ (1957). Secondly, the autonomy automatically fostered in the client by making them aware they have a choice and the power to decide. Many therapist even encourage you to ‘shop around’ (they did with me), and why wouldn’t you? You are going to spend, potentially, many hours sitting in a room across this person talking about challenges, painful experiences, sadness, numbness, loneliness, anger, shame, guilt, rejection… And ‘it is the relationship, more than any other factor, that determines the effectiveness of the therapy’; not only that, but ‘it is also one of the most influential factors in the outcome of therapy’ (Clarkson, 2003).

So, I invite you to consider this and reflect: which coastline do you want to experience? In which waters will you go for a swim? And aware that you can visit other coastlines if you need a change of waters, who do you choose to be by your side in this journey?

References

APA (2023) Dictionary of Psychology. Available at: https://dictionary.apa.org/free-association (Accessed: 1 June 2023)

BACP (no date) Types of therapy, An A-Z of therapeutic approaches. Available at: https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-therapy/ (Accessed: 1 June 2023).

Rogers, C. (1957) ‘The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change’, Journal of Consulting Psychology, Vol (21), pp 95-103.

Clarkson, P. (2003) The Therapeutic Relationship. 2nd edition. London: Whurr Publishers.